When Your Teen has a Child

pregnant. 

Image by kendrak via Flickr

A lot of parents have an unofficial rule that they have raised all the babies they ever will. Nonetheless, when a teen comes home with evidence that a baby is imminent, or with the child itself, things change immediately. Only the cruelest parent would put their teen out like proverbial garbage when they’re in a time of such need. So what do you do if your teen comes home with a child?

In a situation like this, you might be tempted to abort the infant or put it up for adoption depending on how far along things have gotten. When your teen is suddenly thrust into a parenting role, it can be a serious shock to your sensibilities. You can remember when your teen was born, so it can be hard to register that they now have their own child to take care of. Unfortunately, reality tends to roll through like a freight train, and being a teen parent is something your teen is going to have to adjust to immediately.

You have a lot of major decisions to make. First off, are you going to raise your teen’s child as yours and allow your child to remain free of the responsibility? Many parents have traditionally opted for this role, and the child may grow up never even knowing who really gave birth to them. If you choose to allow your teen to be a parent in every sense, when will they move out on their own? Will they continue with going to college? The logistical considerations of having a baby never seem to get any easier over time.

 

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The Logistics of Teen Pregnancy

Children in Jerusalem. 

Image via Wikipedia

From time to time, a teen is going to have a child of their own. While every parent hopes their children will make more responsible choices and hold off on having kids of their own, this is the kind of thing a parent just has to adapt to from time to time. While the situation doesn’t get better for a long time, many parents could use some advice on what to think of first.

The first thing is, your teen needs to understand their responsibilities as a new parent. They need to accept that the fun and fancy free days of their youth are gone for awhile. While they will eventually be able to return to such days, they’ll be in their 30s by that point and it will seem strange. For the time being, hiring a baby sitter or not going out is going to be one of your teen’s chief challenges. In addition to this, your teen is going to need to earn money somehow. Granted, there are ways to earn money from home, many teens don’t think in those kinds of terms to start with.

Once the fact that their freedom is now limited sets in, a lot of teens will be traumatized. The idea of having a child is great when you can give them back to their parents at the end of the day. But when it’s yours, the entire feeling changes. While your family will inevitably adapt to helping your teen take care of their new child, the problems of raising one person when their own parent isn’t fuly grown are going to be issues for years to come.

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When Your Teen Rebels

Teenage rebellion is as ubiquitous as oxygen. When you consider that in the ancient world a teen would go off on their own as soon as they wanted to, it makes sense that there’s an annoying gap between childhood and adulthood that a person has to go through. While you don’t want to be a doormat when your teen throws the older equivalent of a tantrum, you also want to let them know that you’re respecting them a little more each day.

When a teen rebels, you have to consider why they’re rebelling in the first place. If the reason is just because they want to stretch their level of independence, that’s perfectly natural. If they genuinely believe they aren’t getting enough respect, that’s something you can deal with easily enough. You have to show them uniformly that you respect them as junior members of adult society, even if most of your mind still sees them as a toddler with a bigger body. Your teen gets closer to being an adult every day, and a major part of that adulthood rests on a basic level of respect.

While it would be easy to try and break your teen’s spirit through acts of violence designed to keep them in line, this can backfire in a lot of nasty ways. If your teen has a serious emotional problem, this can be all it takes to get them to fight back. If you want to have to physically battle your teen and possibly have them end up in a foster home, have at it. But it’s a whole lot easier to simply show them a measure of respect.

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Teaching Your Teen Some Responsibility

teen parade 2006

Image by Jefferson Martina via Flickr

A lot of parents think of discipline as just something they have to administer. However, once a child gets out of the “barbarian” stages of being a toddler, they tend to take on bits and pieces of discipline that they can administer to themselves. For one thing, most people know not to hit others under general circumstances. Most people also know not to bite others. When you lay solid groundwork, your teen should know a lot of basic, responsible things.

Discipline can take on a lot of different forms, but it will ultimately fall back to being a restraint against one’s natural tendency to act. If your teen wants to take your car when you woldn’t know, only discipline and responsibility inside their own mind will keep them from doing so. While a teen may rebel, the level of responsibility they demonstrate will shine through that rebellion. Even the reasons why a teen might rebel will be different if they are a more responsible type of person.

Irresponsible teens will rebel because they expect to get their way. If you’ve allowed them to get away with anything all of their lives, you shouldn’t be surprised if they carry this expectation with them into early adulthood. However, a more responsible teen will be more likely to rebel if they believe they could do a better job of running things than you can. While they may not be right, perception is often reality. If you’ve taught them responsibility, it generally means you have to demonstrate it, as well. Consider it a good thing if your teen keeps you thinking responsibly.

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